Celebrity Safe List Rule Hamish & Andy 22 August, 2008 - 4:23 PM

This weeks rule is the Celebrity Safe List Rule.

-Most couples agree that they are each allowed to nominate a list of celebrities (it varies from 2 to 5 depending on the couple) and if you sleep with them it doesn't count as cheating as they are on your "safe list".

-A mate recently identified a major flaw, from a male perspective, that exists in the whole concept of the "Celebrity Safe List" he discovered it when he met a member of the Socceroos in a pub - we shall call him Socceroo X

-Over a Beer our mate ended up telling Socceroo X that he was on his girlfriends "Celebrity Safe List" - a few beers further into the night Socceroo X, asked if he could see a photo of my mate's girl and my mate oblige

-Socceroo X was very impressed with the picture and said he was delighted to be on her "Safe List" and if she approached me and asks if I'm "busy" later, I think you know I am going to be busy "getting' busy" later.

-My mate laughed at first and high fived at how true the comment was and then stopped when he realised that he had actually just high fived another bloke telling a story about sleeping with his girlfriend - not cool.

-He asked my mate who was on his list and it was "Anna Kournikova & Jessica Alba" at which point Socceroo X broke up laughing and said "realistically what do you think Anna Kournikova is going to say if you approach her with the same "gettin' busy" proposition?

-Socceroo X was absolutely right - Celebrity Safe lists only give our girlfriends permission to sleep with celebrities - what do they do for us blokes? Nothing.

So the Star Chamber was convened to devise some rules that will assist men to avoid the pitfalls inherent in agreeing to a "Celebrity Safe list" but in getting no benefit in agreeing to that list - The "Celebrity Safe List rules for Men" were born

-The Governing principal is that any woman you choose to have on your "Celebrity Safe List" has to be someone who is delighted to be called a celebrity.

-The following were agreed to be both disqualified & qualified to be included in your list but I'd like to throw it open to anyone to add to the list.

Remember, in the spirit of slower, lower, weaker, if they are too famous or successful they will probably just knock you back so they have to be delighted to make someone's celebrity safe list

DISQUALIFIED:

   1. All models, I make particular mention of the Victoria's secret variety here.
   2. Anyone who has graced the front cover of Ralph, FHM, Esquire or GQ
   3. Any actresses who has acted in a TV show or movie at all - and I mean anything even McLeod's Daughters
   4. Anyone who either leads off or anchors a swimming relay team.
   5. To argue that "non-celebrities" could be included on the list and if your girlfriend agrees to then just name 2 of her better looking friends or that hot girl from your office.

Suggestion 5 was felt to be outside the chivalric spirit of the Star Chamber so it was summarily rejected.

QUALIFIERS:

   1. Actresses who appear in TV Ads only but have yet to make their big break.
   2. Anyone who was part of a reality TV series but didn't win - Young Divas can be argued as an exception
   3. Anyone who has swum the second or third leg of the swim relay
   4. Anyone who has graced the front cover of Zoo Weekly - they are not celebrities.
   5. Tania Zaetta

(13) »

• Dane says

  What if the hot girl from your office is also an actress who has appeared in a television commercial? Things can, and most likely would, get very confusing. I, for one, welcome these rules, and wish to challenge anyone who disagrees with Qualifier #5 to punch the aforementioned Socceroo X in the throat.... he sounds like a charmer!!!!!!

  Posted Friday 22 August, 2008 6:03 PM
• mark says

  i nominate irish dave for biggest douche in the universe

  Posted Saturday 23 August, 2008 12:22 PM
• liam says

  Irish Dave You bloody champion!!! Im suprised you're single

  Posted Sunday 24 August, 2008 4:57 PM
• Pat says

  True!

  Posted Monday 25 August, 2008 8:19 AM
• Rose says

  I agree entirely. My celebrity list is a lot more realistic than most of my friends. It gives a girl hope. However, I have been accused of having a "lame arse" clebrity safe list. I'm sorry, I just don't think my chances with Becks are huge. A Swan on the other hand seems much more likely.

  Another insightful discussion from the Star Chamber.

  An important item missing from the disqualified list though Dave - "celebrities that you and/or your girlfriend happen to know". Is that against the spirit of the Star Chamber?

  Posted Monday 25 August, 2008 5:24 PM
• larissa says

  pretty sure hamish and andy are on my safe list

  Posted Monday 25 August, 2008 6:50 PM
• Lisa says

  I cant beleive that I didnt have a safe list!
  I do now and Hamish & Andy are on it!!

  Posted Tuesday 26 August, 2008 1:46 PM
• kirralee says

  everyone i know, knows that hamish is on my safe list. all my other choices are pretty realistic, i think its pointless even fantasizing about major stars!!
  good work irish dave :)

  Posted Tuesday 26 August, 2008 7:04 PM
• Annabella says

  Hamish, you and Fred Bassett are at the top of my safe list. I'd love to be locked in that wheelie bin with both of you!

  Posted Tuesday 26 August, 2008 9:18 PM
• rachel says

  do celebrities get celebrity safe lists? or is it just for mere mortals?

  Posted Wednesday 27 August, 2008 2:20 AM

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